Foreshadowing

So when I started this blog I was in an 11 year relationship. Not a perfect one, not a horrible one, but what I thought was an average stable one. Almost a week later that relationship is ending and not by my choice. One can imagine all that I have to say right now and yet I am somewhat speechless. I find myself not knowing what to say. Over thinking everything and feeling completely lost, vulnerable, and scared.

Due to a teminal medical condition I have been dealing with since 2002 my partner has taken care of me. Mostly financially, although I will give him props for choosing to stay at all. Emotionally, anything more would be exaggeration. Not a communicater, and one that buries any feelings he may have I have been left much to my own. So when I started this blog I thought what a great way to deal with some of that lonliness and I hope that will be the case because I have a feel there will be a lot more in store for me.

So where do you go after 11years? What happens when someone tells you that your life as you know it is about to change because they do not want to be a part of it anymore? Where do I live, how do I support myself, can I maintain the lifestyle I have become accustomed to, where do I start, how am I going to transport myself are a few of the things weighing heavy on my mind right now. Of course interjected between each of those thoughts are can I save us, what if I change all the things he said he does not like about me, what if I try harder, is it foolish to try, is it really me or is it him?